Life is unrecognizable from a year ago. On this date last year, I was celebrating Rio’s grand opening surrounded by family and friends. Hoping that the launch of my dream would be the key to my happiness. It wasn’t. So today, I am in the foundation building stage of my new life.
In the 365 days since that celebration, I have transformed. Not altogether willingly, mind you. I fought it kicking and screaming. I was angry and bitter that something I worked so hard for had not worked out. I sat in that for a good long while. I needed to, and it felt good to give myself permission to stay deep in my feelings.
Transformation is hard work. Some days, I fought the good fight by going fetal and staying in bed for days. Or watching tv like a zombie for fourteen hours at a stretch. Some days I mixed it up and spent part of the day in bed and part on the couch. I was wild like that.
I drank more for a while too. Not because I wanted to get drunk. Not because I was hiding from my emotions. No, I poured just one more because I was bored. That’s it. Nothing more profound or meaningful than that. I came to call what I did boredom boozing. Soon that got boring too.
I knew the depression and the clouds wouldn’t last forever. I knew eventually everything would be okay again. I just didn’t know when or how. And that’s the part that caused the anxiety.
I had my good days. I pushed myself to keep moving forward and to practice all the self-care rituals that had inspired me to launch Rio. I pushed myself to relax, breathe, believe. I moved. I saw my therapist. I leaned on my tribe. In short, I did the work. And I survived. Because that’s what I do.
Today, I am happy. I have reinvented my life and I have chosen peace. I can do that because I gave myself the time to heal. I allowed myself to fully accept the love that was always all around me. And that’s what true self-care and wellness is all about.